First published in The Glass Hammer 11 January 2011
Since publishing Unwritten Rules, I’ve worked with others to try to get more women in positions of senior leadership.
Basically all change efforts boil down to the same thing – can we get people to behave differently.
In this case, can we get shareholders to appoint more women to their boards?
Can we get CEO’s to create gender-balanced teams to lead their organizations?
Can we get professional services firms to operate differently so that more women stay and make partner?
Can we get political parties to field equal numbers of men and women candidates, and then get journalists and voters to give women a fair chance?
So far, the answer in all cases has been “no” or “rarely”. Women achieving senior levels of leadership still make the news.
Along with countless other women, I will continue to bang my head against these particular brick walls, trying to convince men who hold most of the power at the top of organizations and governments to accept the business case that gender-balanced teams are better for business and governance.
But the uncomfortable reality is that, no matter how many studies indicate that companies with more female senior leaders outperform those with the least in return on equity, return on sales and return on invested capital – the guys at the top aren’t buying it.
No matter how often we state the case that women and men working together are likely to make better and less risky governance decisions, we still see predominantly male governments and boards.
In 2011, let’s plan to take a different approach in our quest for gender-balanced leadership.
Bright Spots
In their book, Switch: How To Change Things When Change Is Hard, Chip and Dan Heath talk about the importance of finding and using “bright spots” to bring about change.
A “bright spot” is where the change you want is already working. If we want to effect change it makes sense to search out the bright spots, find out why they are successful, spread the good news and attract others to want to join it or clone it.
It’s about creating or highlighting positive results that others then want to be a part of.
Men Who Get It
So where are our bright spots in gender-balanced leadership?
There are men who don’t just talk about believing in women – they challenge their own gender stereotypes by taking action to support, advocate and promote women.
They are the new role models for 21st century men and we would do well to engage them in our conversations about how to achieve gender-balance in our organizations and governments.
In finding and highlighting these bright spots we might be able to attract other men to be curious and perhaps even to join them.
So how do you spot a “man who gets it”?
“Men who get it” share some of the following characteristics and actions:
- They are full life partners, playing an equal role in parenting and the home
- They speak out against sexism
- They are aware of gender stereotypes and are not constrained by them
- They mentor and advocate for women
- They promote women to join men in leadership positions because they know it makes good business sense
- They intentionally create gender-balanced teams and workplaces for better performance
- They find creative ways to keep and promote women who take career breaks
- They are prepared to step off the career ladder and take the lead in parenting
- They want to be included in the conversation about gender equity
- They are cool, 21st century men who want women to be themselves and bring something additive and different to the table.
The “Men Who Get It” Project
In 2011 I will interview “men who get it” to find out how and why they support and advocate for women, both inside and outside the workplace – in fact, I have already started.
I’ve interviewed Anders Karlstrom, a senior leader in the pharmaceutical industry in Sweden, who sees maternity leave as no barrier to recruiting and retaining the talented women he needs. He develops long-term working relationships with his women leaders and works with them to plan their career breaks and their re-entry.
I met with Carl Otto, a highly respected, international senior leader in financial services who has consistently recruited and promoted talented women in a traditionally male dominated industry. He also developed a measurement tool that, amongst other things, shows how and why women often make better investment decisions.
And I spoke with Josh Reiman, a graduate student at George Washington University, who firmly believes that both women and men would gain from increased collaboration. In his article, The Women’s Movement Needs Men he writes: Unfortunately, the women’s movement remains continuously unwilling to bring men into the fold; such concerted effort would transform their cause from one that is largely by and for women into an all-inclusive social movement.
These are three examples of “men who get it”, and there are many more out there, which is where you come in, if you’d like to get involved.
Get Involved – find the bright spots
Do you know any “men who get it” – men who live some of the ten characteristics listed above? If so, please send them this article and ask if they are willing to be interviewed. If you have a good candidate who is wiling to tell me his story, please e-mail me at lynnharris@harriscoach.com.
I’m convinced we can make great strides to achieve gender-balanced leadership, and I think we’ll achieve it much faster if we include rather than exclude men who are already our allies.
After all, isn’t a collaborative approach one of our great strengths as women? Let’s use this strength to accelerate the changes we want. I look forward to hearing from you.








Authenticity: How Women Leaders Can Be True To Themselves
It seems obvious to many of us that a diverse group of men and women leaders are more likely to be creative and make better decisions than a homogenous group of men.
If we manage to achieve gender-balanced leadership in our organizations we will, however, only reap the rewards if women leaders are able to be true to themselves. If women have to behave like men to succeed, the benefits of gender diversity remain unrealized and we might as well not bother.
But can women leaders really be authentically themselves within the structure of our current male leadership model, or must they conform to traditional male leadership values and behaviors in order to progress their careers?
Authenticity in this context refers to our capacity to align our behavior with our core values; to know what is most important to us and act accordingly. Most would agree that this is a quality fundamental to all good leaders.
Classic Dilemmas
The question of being true to yourself within any organizational culture is one to be wrestled with by all leaders, male and female. For women the unwritten rules of leadership within today’s organizations create conflicts in values that result in classic dilemmas.
Values
Dilemmas
I value my career and I value family
I want children and I need to stay on track to be a leader
I value my career and I value my family
I want to be with my family and I need to be physically present at work for long hours
I value my career and I value my family
I want stability for my family and I need to be geographically mobile to take advantage of career opportunities
I value good relationships and being liked
I need to be tough, strong and assertive and I need to be warm, caring and collaborative
I value being judged by my results
I want my work to speak for itself and I need to promote myself
I value being rewarded on merit rather than who I know
I want my work to speak for itself and I need to network and influence people to get ahead
I value being true to myself and I value being a leader
I want to behave in alignment with my values and I need to conform to the unwritten rules of the male leadership model
What is distressing or painful about a dilemma is having to make a choice we don’t want to make, particularly when that choice involves a values conflict. These conflicts certainly account for some of the angst I encounter when coaching women leaders in traditional organizations.
This seems like an impossible situation. How can women achieve positions of leadership within the structure of a male leadership model and at the same time live in alignment with their values and be true to themselves?
There is no easy answer, but from experience I know that understanding your hierarchy of values in any given situation will help you to retain your authenticity and make choices that enable you to stay true to yourself.
Choice and values
Our core values tend to stay pretty consistent for all of our lives. They are part of who we are, what we believe in, the assumptions we make and they inform how we behave. In any given situation we may find that we have more than one of our values in play and that we have to make a choice about how to behave.
For example, my good friend models the dress she has bought for a function we are attending that evening and asks me if I like it. I don’t particularly like the dress and I am confronted with a choice between two of my values: kindness and honesty. If I am true to my value of kindness I will tell her that I like the dress because there is no time to change it and I don’t want to risk spoiling her evening; or I can be true to my value of honesty and tell her I don’t like the dress. What do I do?
The answer is that I have to decide my hierarchy of values in this specific situation. I need to decide in the moment if honesty is more important to me than kindness, or if kindness is more important to me than honesty. It’s not that I am changing my values - both are still important. But in any situation where my values are in conflict I need to decide which value is senior right now. My values stay the same, but the hierarchy or what is most important will change in different situations and at different times of my life.
At work, we are confronted with value conflicts every day and it helps to be conscious of the fact that we always have a choice.
Situation
Values Conflict
Potential Choices
To progress my career I need to take an oversees appointment but my family refuses to move
I value being with my family and I value career progression
At this time in my life and my career what is more important to me: more time with my family or progressing my career?
To improve my prospects for promotion I need to build relationships with the right people in my organization but I would rather spend the time just doing a good job
I value progressing my career and I value doing my best in my current role
Is it more important in this organization and at this point in my career to devote all of my time to my current role, or to take some of my time to building important relationships?
I want to exercise so that I am fit and healthy but my job and my family take all of my time
I value my health and I value my job and my family
Will I put my job and my family before my health and fitness; or is my health important enough to take some time to exercise regularly?
I am naturally a collaborative and inclusive leader, but to get ahead in my organization I need to be more competitive and assertive
I value being collaborative and inclusive and I value becoming a leader in this company
Do I learn to become more competitive and assertive or do I try to find a different environment in which to express my leadership potential?
I prefer to be understated and let my work speak for itself, but the people who get ahead around here seem to be good at self-promotion
I value modesty and I value getting promoted
Do I learn how to promote myself or do I remain modest and hope for the best?
Aspiring to become a leader in traditional organizations within the structure of a male leadership model creates a certain inevitability that you will frequently be confronted with choices such as these.
If you want to stay true to yourself as a leader and as a woman, the important point is to recognize that you always have a choice. The choice might be a difficult one, but if you know what you stand for and make your choices based on your hierarchy of values in any given situation, you are more likely to be a successful leader. And the world needs more successful women leaders!